Calm

Brittle. Of course I’m brittle. I kept thinking the same thing as I walked to class early in the morning. I’m hurt easily. I’m fragile. I need to be taken care of.  I climbed the mandatory two flights of stairs instead of taking the lift. I readjusted my ear phones and realized ‘Promise’ by Ben Howard was playing. I stopped mid stride and stood in the middle of the corridor like a pillar of stone. The soft voice caught my storming mind like the wave meeting the shore after years of waiting. I simply stood there, transfixed, wishing upon non existent shooting stars and crescent moons. Let me be an ocean of love and not a morose face to look away from. Let me be the light. Let me transcend these petty human emotions. Let me…  I was jostled by a student hurrying to his class. I snapped out of the moment. My face immediately turned desolate, like the wanting desert. I pushed and dragged my feet to class and sat my unwilling butt down on the wooden bench. I mechanically silenced my phone and pulled out my notebook. I sat through class like a cactus growing in a pot, ignored, lost and dying. I dashed out of the class as soon as the clock struck 8:50. I rushed to the tiny department library and plugged in my ear phones and listened to Promise again. I closed my eyes and breathed in notes of comfort and love and the stillness of this deathly life. Calm. Inhale, exhale. Repeat. Inhale, exhale. Repeat. 

“And meet me there, bundles of flowers,
We wait through the hours of cold
Winter shall howl at the walls,
Tearing down doors of time

Shelter as we go…

And promise me this:
You’ll wait for me only,
Scared of the lonely arms…. “

-Ben Howard, Promise

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVUOTzoVeZA)

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