My thoughts were a jumble of meaningless words, running into each other, colliding like hopeless lovers dreams. I sat in that metal chair for as long as I could. No, I didn’t get up. I sat in the metal chair. Sat till I could feel my legs go numb and head weary. I sat till I couldn’t feel my butt anymore. Once you stop feeling, then it doesn’t matter, right? I counted the minutes, then the hours. I moulded myself to the frame of the metal chair. My eyes were starting to droop but my mind was awake, completely alive. I forced myself to keep my eyes open. I don’t know what is happening to my legs, since they have gone numb. Numb. Like when you hold ice in your fingers for too long. Or like when you sit cross-legged on the floor for hours together. But I can feel my hands and fingers and touch my face. But then I decided to sit completely still; resting my arms on the hand rest of the metal chair. Did I mention that the metal chair was spray painted with a matte finish? The metal chair was completely black. Also, the metal chair had tiny holes on the seat and back rest. I guess it is a form of design. Completely still. Though my arms were resting on the hand rests, my muscles were constantly contracting and relaxing. I tried to stop it but the muscles refused to listen to me. I let the muscles be. No good in talking sense to involuntary actions. Soon the muscles gave up. And I knew that the muscles gave up because I couldn’t feel them anymore. My arms had gone numb too. Numb. Like when somebody sleeps on your lap and you can’t feel your feet because of the pressure. Like when you score incredibly low marks after studying all night and all week-long. I could still blink. The wall I was facing had two hand drawn pictures. It looked like pictures to me. Some would say that the right-hand-side one was more of a written message. Just because it is made up of words. Why can’t it be a picture? You know what, it is a picture. But my gaze shifts to the picture on the left-hand-side. Squares, rectangles, swirls, faces, circles and a dot. It was a beauty. Do you want me to describe it? Yes? Yes? You have to give me an answer you know… Never mind you undecided creature. I will relate it in my own manner. My legs and arms are numb. Numb. Should I be concerned? Maybe not. It has happened a lot of times. It happens most often when I’m typing something on my laptop. You want to know how? Well, I will tell you if you answer my question.
Now, I want you to take a piece of paper, a plain piece of paper without lines or margins. Next, I want you to unzip your pencil pouch and take out a black pen from it. Done? Are you done yet? It isn’t that complicated you know. Now, sit down, wherever you want to and write down one word every ten seconds. Can you do that? Of course you can. Stop complaining. Little kids are more enthusiastic than you are. Give yourself a couple of minutes. I don’t know what is happening with my hands either. They have gone completely numb. I did mention that, remember? Did you write down anything? Alright, good. Do you know what we have established? We have established that you can think for yourself. Do what you want with that paper. Can one’s eyes go numb? I guess not. It would have gone numb ages ago in that case. Seeing, observing, watching, ogling. What all we do with these eyes. The state I like them most is when they are closed. Shut. Shut out from the whole world by a layer of skin and nerves. Shut out. But you can still see twinkling stars behind them. Try this. I hope there is daylight. If there is, go to your terrace and lie down. Don’t go in the middle of the afternoon and then blame me about getting an unnecessary tan. Choose either the pleasant evening or the chilly morning. Go there, lie down, and focus on your closed eyelids. You should be able to see soft light highlighting your eye lids. If you shield your closed eyes, poof goes the light. Yea, I’ve done that. I think it would be simpler to use a torch. A torch. It has been a really long time since I used that word. Torch. Torch her dress. Use a torch-light. Nowadays people just use their phones which have an inbuilt torch. I remember my granddad’s torch. There are two that I remember. The first one was a maroon one. Every evening and morning, he would take the torch, a bunch of keys and a stick (I think he took a long stick) and walk off to open the front gates, The gate was pretty far away. You had to walk at least 7-8 minutes from the front door to reach the gate. I cannot move any part of my body except my ears, nose, lips and eyes. I look down at my lap and I can assure you that I was one hundred percent sure that I was dreaming. I tried to blink, but I couldn’t. Great.
A completely numb girl sitting in a metal chair. Why would you bother talking to me? I cannot reply. You see, my lips have gone cold. Like ice. I like ice. I used to eat ice cubes. A lot of ice cubes. I would fill the ice tray multiple times in a day. Do you know when the most impossible times are? It is when I’m waiting for the water to freeze in the freezer. I would have finished a round of ice eating and all the trays are filled with water. The wait is immensely painful. Painful. If you are numb you cannot feel pain. I am numb all over. Every living inch is petrified. But why am I numb all over? I know why my legs are numb. But why my arms? I looked at the hand rests to gauge the level of numbing. Again, I felt like I was dreaming. Is my mind going into a numb induced shock? That is what ice does to you. Numbs you and shocks you. In a metal chair I sat. Alone. Staring at the opposite wall or feeling like I was dreaming when I wasn’t.
I believed I could shake my head, so I tried to shake my head. Nope. Nada. Can’t do that either. Maybe if I tried harder. The metal chair moved. Why? Just why does the chair have to move when all I wanted was to shake my head? Never mind the metal chair. It probably has a mind of its own. This time when I tried to glance down I couldn’t. I could see one spot in front of me on the wall. It was below the pictures. Maybe you should guess what it is. Go on, try guessing. I just said try. You do not have to raise your voice and whine about not being able to guess since you were in third grade. The power socket. My eyes, my vision is fixed on the power socket. On those three holes. A triangle. Love triangles.
Do you want to know the end? Do you want me to stop? I knew you would say that. Well, in short, I became a metal chair. A black, spray painted, matte finished metal chair facing the wall with two pictures and a power socket. I have numerous tiny holes on the seat and back rest. Black. Metal. Chair. With a mind of its own. I can move you know. Don’t be so sceptical. Of course I can move. With some help I can.
I am a metal chair.